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My heart cracked that night. Not sure if it's what you've said. Or is it me. Why did it had to happen. Looking at one way, I might be the one at fault. But was it really me? Was what my feelings tell me wrong? Did i hoped to much? Did i hold on too tight? Or did i left it too loose?
I'm not in pain. So there's nothing to worry about. Just a lil' bit of sorrow within me. Just despair. That's all. You know something? The past has always been a nice no matter how you see it. Even though it was bad, realizing how you've manage to put yourself through those hard times really is motivating enough to keep you moving on. But at times, it might only be how you see things.
This feeling of ours. I'm doubting the reality of it. Is it real? Or is it just me? Within the darkness i lurk, trying to find the light in the dark. The dark light they call it. This is just not right. I'm asking myself again now. What do i long for? What do i wish for? Is this right for me? If it's wrong, then it's time to end it. The suffering is just too much.
One moment i thought i am getting somewhere, the other moment i realized that i'm still in the darkness. No matter how much i tried. May i just am not trying my best. I need to try harder. Or maybe working harder isn't enough as well?
I'm very low in morale now. Can't get myself to bed. Am waiting for the sun to rise and burn these undead bodies of mine, hoping that moment to be the end of my life. How does it feel to only be able to lurk within the shadows? Not being able to feel the sunlight?
This is the end. The sun is rising any moment now. And with this, my night will be over. And maybe that last night of mine will be forgotten by others.
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You readers out there, in case you're wondering what that i typed above was about.... it's a mixture of my feelings right now. Some may be able to get what i'm trying to say. Some will just think negatively at what those typings actually mean. So to make it clear. I'll tell what it's all about. Though i don't think it'll really makes sense even after i explain it. Just doing it for the sake of contenting my soul.
What i wanted to say in those words isn't saying that i'm gonna kill myself. And it's not even saying that I'm a vampire. Nor am I a criminal.
I'm a pessimistic person. A person who holds onto a hope which existence is uncertain. It's okay if i don't discover the certainty of that hope's existence yet. Does that heart exist between us? It if exist, then it will be good. But what if it actually is just fake? Then wouldn't it be wasting time to just believe in that hope? I doubt a lot. There's time when i wish to be certain of the existence of that hope. And this is one of the time.
Aside from that. I'm not really in a good mood. Everything just seems so wrong to me. I know life is not perfect. But right now, it seems that doing nothing will just kill me. I miss her. Wish i'd planned my life earlier.
Somehow, I sense that my fire of hope is burning out. Does she really exist? I might have to extend my studies. Worried i am. If that is to happen, i think i'll just quit and bury myself in the darkness forever.
To my fellow friends:
Don't worry about it. You guys(and gals) know how to get to me. *winks*
-Am3n.
My heart cracked that night. Not sure if it's what you've said. Or is it me. Why did it had to happen. Looking at one way, I might be the one at fault. But was it really me? Was what my feelings tell me wrong? Did i hoped to much? Did i hold on too tight? Or did i left it too loose?
I'm not in pain. So there's nothing to worry about. Just a lil' bit of sorrow within me. Just despair. That's all. You know something? The past has always been a nice no matter how you see it. Even though it was bad, realizing how you've manage to put yourself through those hard times really is motivating enough to keep you moving on. But at times, it might only be how you see things.
This feeling of ours. I'm doubting the reality of it. Is it real? Or is it just me? Within the darkness i lurk, trying to find the light in the dark. The dark light they call it. This is just not right. I'm asking myself again now. What do i long for? What do i wish for? Is this right for me? If it's wrong, then it's time to end it. The suffering is just too much.
One moment i thought i am getting somewhere, the other moment i realized that i'm still in the darkness. No matter how much i tried. May i just am not trying my best. I need to try harder. Or maybe working harder isn't enough as well?
I'm very low in morale now. Can't get myself to bed. Am waiting for the sun to rise and burn these undead bodies of mine, hoping that moment to be the end of my life. How does it feel to only be able to lurk within the shadows? Not being able to feel the sunlight?
This is the end. The sun is rising any moment now. And with this, my night will be over. And maybe that last night of mine will be forgotten by others.
============================================
You readers out there, in case you're wondering what that i typed above was about.... it's a mixture of my feelings right now. Some may be able to get what i'm trying to say. Some will just think negatively at what those typings actually mean. So to make it clear. I'll tell what it's all about. Though i don't think it'll really makes sense even after i explain it. Just doing it for the sake of contenting my soul.
What i wanted to say in those words isn't saying that i'm gonna kill myself. And it's not even saying that I'm a vampire. Nor am I a criminal.
I'm a pessimistic person. A person who holds onto a hope which existence is uncertain. It's okay if i don't discover the certainty of that hope's existence yet. Does that heart exist between us? It if exist, then it will be good. But what if it actually is just fake? Then wouldn't it be wasting time to just believe in that hope? I doubt a lot. There's time when i wish to be certain of the existence of that hope. And this is one of the time.
Aside from that. I'm not really in a good mood. Everything just seems so wrong to me. I know life is not perfect. But right now, it seems that doing nothing will just kill me. I miss her. Wish i'd planned my life earlier.
Somehow, I sense that my fire of hope is burning out. Does she really exist? I might have to extend my studies. Worried i am. If that is to happen, i think i'll just quit and bury myself in the darkness forever.
To my fellow friends:
Don't worry about it. You guys(and gals) know how to get to me. *winks*
-Am3n.
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