Not sure if i've gave it my best but how come i keep falling.

Been a while since i last been here. And i have no idea how writing this out is gonna help me. Lately i felt lost. It's that right now nothing seems smooth for me. My mind is in a mess and so is my heart n soul. Friendship, love, career... i felt i've lost it all. Did all the choices that i've made until now lead me to the same point? I dont know. Maybe i do know but i am ignoring it. They did say that ignorance is bliss. All this while i have been taking flight. But i feel i am giving it all my best already. Maybe i didnt. I could've done better. I do slack off.  I guess maybe slacking off is a fatal move for me. Sigh... how can i save myself now? I guess i am still being selfish...