Monday, April 30, 2007

A lil' bit better

Things just got a lil' bit better. But the nightmare ain't over yet. It's trying to lower my guard down. I just knew it. Had to be careful. One wrong move is all it takes to lose the game.



Anyway, life is a bit clear for me now. I saw the path which i must take. Sadly along the way i had to sacrifice things which are important to me. Few weeks back, i had a Lithuanian friend who sent me an e-book for me to read. It's called "The Alchemist" and is written by Paulo coelho. An interesting book on life. Thanks Dalia. It's an interesting book indeed.

The Alchemist tells the story of a sherperd boy who dreamt of finding a treasure somewhere in the dessert, near the pyramid. That was the second time he dreamt of it and he kept wondering about the message that was in the dream. One day, he visited a town and visited a gypsy who interpreted his dream. He doubted his dream at first but then he met with an old man who happens to be a king. The king told him stories and at the end of the day, he started a long an interesting journey to the dessert. Through his journey, he learnt to listen to the language of the soul, see what others didn't see and understood that everyone has a destiny to fulfill. To know more about the book, i'll suggest u go get it. So happy reading.

After reading this, I rethink about my past, and the future that awaits me. What is my destiny? Where am i suppose to go from here? Only one way to know - Read The Omen.

@m3n.

~> MJ

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

最近比較煩

Basically this is what i've been going though lately. So many things to thing about. So many things to be troubled with. Sigh~. I'm trying my best to survive though.

Anyway, while doing my work and listening to some old songs from 光良品冠, i stumbled across this nice song. I tried my luck at youtube to see if anyone uploaded this song. And with luck, i just found it. Anyway, enjoy the song. While i'll "enjoy" my suffering >.<" Am3n。 ~>MJ


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

This just ain't a good day

It's just not a good day. Here's why:

1st: It's a freaking hot day.

2nd: I haven't taken my meal yet.

3rd: I need to study.

4th: I think i need to clean the room again.

5th: I need more time.

6th: I have to finish where i left off.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Dark Dark Gray


===========================================
My heart cracked that night. Not sure if it's what you've said. Or is it me. Why did it had to happen. Looking at one way, I might be the one at fault. But was it really me? Was what my feelings tell me wrong? Did i hoped to much? Did i hold on too tight? Or did i left it too loose?

I'm not in pain. So there's nothing to worry about. Just a lil' bit of sorrow within me. Just despair. That's all. You know something? The past has always been a nice no matter how you see it. Even though it was bad, realizing how you've manage to put yourself through those hard times really is motivating enough to keep you moving on. But at times, it might only be how you see things.

This feeling of ours. I'm doubting the reality of it. Is it real? Or is it just me? Within the darkness i lurk, trying to find the light in the dark. The dark light they call it. This is just not right. I'm asking myself again now. What do i long for? What do i wish for? Is this right for me? If it's wrong, then it's time to end it. The suffering is just too much.

One moment i thought i am getting somewhere, the other moment i realized that i'm still in the darkness. No matter how much i tried. May i just am not trying my best. I need to try harder. Or maybe working harder isn't enough as well?

I'm very low in morale now. Can't get myself to bed. Am waiting for the sun to rise and burn these undead bodies of mine, hoping that moment to be the end of my life. How does it feel to only be able to lurk within the shadows? Not being able to feel the sunlight?

This is the end. The sun is rising any moment now. And with this, my night will be over. And maybe that last night of mine will be forgotten by others.
============================================

You readers out there, in case you're wondering what that i typed above was about.... it's a mixture of my feelings right now. Some may be able to get what i'm trying to say. Some will just think negatively at what those typings actually mean. So to make it clear. I'll tell what it's all about. Though i don't think it'll really makes sense even after i explain it. Just doing it for the sake of contenting my soul.

What i wanted to say in those words isn't saying that i'm gonna kill myself. And it's not even saying that I'm a vampire. Nor am I a criminal.

I'm a pessimistic person. A person who holds onto a hope which existence is uncertain. It's okay if i don't discover the certainty of that hope's existence yet. Does that heart exist between us? It if exist, then it will be good. But what if it actually is just fake? Then wouldn't it be wasting time to just believe in that hope? I doubt a lot. There's time when i wish to be certain of the existence of that hope. And this is one of the time.

Aside from that. I'm not really in a good mood. Everything just seems so wrong to me. I know life is not perfect. But right now, it seems that doing nothing will just kill me. I miss her. Wish i'd planned my life earlier.

Somehow, I sense that my fire of hope is burning out. Does she really exist? I might have to extend my studies. Worried i am. If that is to happen, i think i'll just quit and bury myself in the darkness forever.

To my fellow friends:
Don't worry about it. You guys(and gals) know how to get to me. *winks*


-Am3n.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Six weird things about me

Gee...i've been tagged by Hak Jeng to state out 6 weird things about me. And since I those person who likes to share, then i'm gonna expose to my fellow readers about me.

Rules:
Each one starts out by telling 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write (in their own blog) 6 weird things as well and state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave each of them a comment letting them know you tagged them and the cycle goes on.

1. I like to share.
Well, besides my @nG3L and clothings, most of the time I will share with people my stuff. I don't mind borrowing them stuff as long as they return them back still in good condition. I also don't mind sharing my food or drinks with other people as long as they let me do the dividing. And lastly, I like to share my dreams, experience, feelings and life with others. So i guess that's why i blog. Besides to keep track of my past.

2. I believe in the impossible.
I like to believe in those which other people will not dare to believe. I would try my best to achieve those that is impossible. Even though things that are impossible in the end really ended up as impossible. But still i will believe because if i don't who else will? Not gonna elaborate what this means. Some of you readers will understand. Most wouldn't. :D

3. I'm into weird fashion.
I like to be different than others. Because i believe that although we all do share some similarities with each other, at a certain point, there will still be differences among ourselves. Maybe that's why i'm always into weird but acceptable fashions.

I don't do tattoos. Not that i hate them. I just don't see a reason putting a scar on myself with a symbol. Earrings are fine with me. But i prefer only having only one earring and only on one side of my ear. I pierced my left ear once along with my daughter, Corine, at Alamanda CJ. It was a bit scary at first coz i was imagining all that pain that would be flowing into my head. But i was wrong. Before i knew it, my left ear was pierced. I wore that earring for like about 2-3 months only. It all happened because I forgot to put back my earrings after taking it off for 2 days. And when i tried to put it on again, the hole was closed. >.<" During my high school years, i like to spike up my hair. Not into those that looks like punk. More to those anime characters like the saiyans in Dragon Ball. Most probably inspired by Son Gohan of dragon Ball(image below).

Son Gohan Moses Ichimoku Ren
Back then i didn't know what gum, wax or glue were. I only know about hair gel. And boy did i used a lot of it each day. They say that using too much hair gel will make you bald. Well, it's not happening to me. ^^
Currently, i'm into 'emo' hairstyle. My front hair is long and they cover my eyes. But now they only cover the left side of my eye. I think it's most prob inspired by Moses of blood+. It seems to be the trend now since another anime also has a guy with one side of his eyes covered. And i'm refering that to Ichimoku Ren of Jigouku Shoujo.


4. I like to see people smile.
The greatest gift created by HIM would be a smile. Each time i see people smile, something just ticks in my chest and for that short moment, i feel happy. Seeing people smiling at each other is among my favourite thing when i observe people. When a person smile, somehow i can feel peace in my heart. So that's why i like to encourage people to smile. No matter how hard it would be to smile. Though at times, I myself do forget to smile as well. ^^"

5. I cut and trim my nails with my teeth.
Ever since primary school, I've developed a special skill which is to cut my fingernails with my teeth. You readers might say that it's biting and not cutting. Well, you may be correct. But i bit the nails like a scissor cutting a slice of paper into half. Or something like that. Not sure what made me do it. But i've been doing that until recently when i decided to stop this bad habit for hygiene purposes. Anyway, compare to using a nail cutter, I can cut my nails nicely with my teeth and then trim it. It feels better than using a nail cutter in fact. And in case you readers ponder, i do cut my nails during classes. When i feel there's a need to of course. No need the hassle of bringing a nail cutter. And no need to worry of stupid "spot-check" where they will check your fingernails. xD And in case you wonder which teeth i use as a nail cutter, it's my front teeth- the rabbit "teeth".

(PS: That's is not my pic. Just roughly showing where it is. ^^" )

6. I'm nocturnal.
I like to stay up late at night. Somehow i just feel more energetic and alert compare to daytime. Maybe it's the cool weather at night that's affecting me. Most of the time, I would stay up till the morning light shines into my room then only would i jump into bed. There was once when i really sleep my whole daytime away and woke up once the sun is about to set. That habit lasted me for almost a week. Some of my online friends even thought i was really a vampire. At times i wish i was. Since it'll be cool to be one. Or that's what i thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aite.... so now i'm done with the list of weird things.... finally. Took me 2 hours for this stuff. So erm... wonder who's gonna be tagged by me? Here are the list:

~> *@nG3L*
~> *Robin Wong*
~> *Ee Ling*
~> *Sot Sot*
~> *Kim Hang*
~> *Car Month*