Not sure if i've gave it my best but how come i keep falling.

Been a while since i last been here. And i have no idea how writing this out is gonna help me. Lately i felt lost. It's that right now nothing seems smooth for me. My mind is in a mess and so is my heart n soul. Friendship, love, career... i felt i've lost it all. Did all the choices that i've made until now lead me to the same point? I dont know. Maybe i do know but i am ignoring it. They did say that ignorance is bliss. All this while i have been taking flight. But i feel i am giving it all my best already. Maybe i didnt. I could've done better. I do slack off.  I guess maybe slacking off is a fatal move for me. Sigh... how can i save myself now? I guess i am still being selfish...

Hi

Dear KL,

I wanted to watsapp you but I just couldn't do it. So here i am, to write to you here instead.  How are you doing there? Have you gotten better in sense of health? I miss you.  But i do not know if it's the same for you there. I have no intention of chasing you back as even if I did, I am unable to see the next step to take.  I can't go to you just yet.  And you won't come to me.  So i'll just stay at a safe distance from you.  Get well soon my dear.

If you happen to read this, and if we can be friends again, drop me a message. It's a waste that an 8 year friendship just ended like this.


MJ

Updates . . . .

This post is for my Heng Tai who has been poking me in facebook and asking me to update my blog to share my life with him. Well, after a long thought and hesitation, i finally decided to give life to my blog today. How long will it live is still uncertain. But I can assure that this blog ain't dead...yet. xD

Anyway, since my graduation back in 2007, i have been working for my dad (starting from office work to the current job; fishing tackle shop). The fishing tackle shop in stutong had been open since 31st August(More than 3 months jor). But the official opening is 16th October. Reason is because my dad wants the main shop and the one i'm handling to celebrate their anniversary at the same time. Anyway, I don't think my Heng Tai wants to know about the shop.

Overall, my life now is quite good. Been trying to wake up early for work each day but so far i only manage to do it a few times. I even set my alarm clock to wake me up at 7am and 7:30am(in case the first one fails). So far my struggle to wake up doesn't really work. What i found out is that i am not motivated enough. Each time i wake up, the first thing i ask myself is "will today be another good day or another bad day?" If it's a bad day, it's gonna take me 5-6 alarms to wake me up. If it's a good day, no need the alarm clock i'll already be awake.

Work life: Aside from the first and last 2 hours of the day, all is good.

Love life: Currently am single and still looking. Haven't been meeting up with any girls at the moment. Don't really have any chicks that i can get out after work. And Sunday is futsal / fishing day.

Health: Futsal on Sunday. But i'm afraid i'm gonna miss 2-3 matches as i would be in Aust. I think Australia is gonna kill me with their bacons and fats. ^^" I still remember i gain 3 pounds and a michellin tyre while i was there for 5 days. Wonder what i'm gonna turn out to be after 2 weeks?

Movies that i watched and recommend:

The Love Guru: Madagascar 2: Tropic Thunder: Red Cliff: <Tony Leung Chiu-Wai, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Zhang Fengyi, Chang Chen, Hu Jun, Lin Chi-ling and Zhao Wei.

Anyway.... that's all for now. Pray that i Come back from Aust alive. xD

Feeling Shitty

Honestly, i have no idea at all what's happening to me lately. I just feel so small and so moody. Just felt like slamming my laptop and destroying anything that crossed my path. But alas, that is not my nature. Sigh~

Sometimes being good just gets u into a shithole. Especially when u're doing business. I understand that nothing is right nor wrong. But then how come all the things i do, only the wrong shows up? What a nice feedback!.

I tried to went to bed earlier on but only to be laying on the bed with my thoughts on my last relationship. Just cant really get my mind off her. Gee. this totally sucks.

And to you my fellow friends who thinks i'm living a good life. You're totally wrong. MY life seems better than yours because it just comes to happen that thay day u had a shittier day than me.

AMEN.

God Bless you all and Take CARE.

I ma gonna try get some shut eyes. Nites world~

I'm bored.... =_="

Well.. i got bored and browsed through my laptops... then i found pics taken during the permai camp and so i decided to do some things onto them.






Yeah... i find it kinda lame.... do you? xD

Happy Birthday

It's my day today. And i find no reason not to be happy. After 12623040 minutes of operating, I'm still running despite the viruses and worms that i encounter in my life.

Anyway, I wanna thank all those people who friendster msg, called, smsed and wishes me Happy Birthday. Thank you all and may the Saints walk wish you. xD

lastly, happy birthday~!

~!> MJ

3rd July ramblings

12:50pm July 3rd, 2008

Aite... I just finish my lunch which consists of pork with sweet sauce + chicken + rice and to couple up with my meal would be a RM1.30 ABK(Air Buah Kundur) aka. Wintermelon drink. It's really a great thign to start of a day after sulking since morning for god knows what reason.

Lately i've been kind of emotional. Feel just like a liquid. I have no true form but i exist. What actually happened to me? Somehow i feel useless. Even those ppl whom i used to pity seemed to be living a better life than me.

I'm unstructured. By just reading back what i typed, it's all mixed-up. Like some sort of encryption code. >_<"

Maybe I should stop judging myself. Maybe i should stop making judgements.

Anyway, last night i went to watched "Wanted" with my fellow high school mates (A,M,C) + a friend which i known through futsal(H). The movie was good. But somehow i just don't seemed to be impressed with it. Maybe the trailer spoilt the action. Or maybe i was disturbed and therefore unable to concentrate on the movie. I still can remember how the storyline goes. But then thinking back it still doesn't seemed interesting. Hopefully "Hancock" and "Batman" would be better.

After the movie, i saw a stranger approaching me. And as he patted me on my right shoulder, I was a bit surprise + shocked and somehow, the 2002 incidents hit me back for a split seconds. My name was on his lips. "Hey ~! Lama tak jumpa! U macam mana sekarang?" Then only i realize that he was my secondary school friend. Boy did he changed. As I could recall, he was skinny when i last saw him..before i graduate from high school in 2001. Now he's quite meaty and as Mike said "muscular". Well, I still insist that he's meaty. During the 5 minutes conversation with him i was trying to remember his name. was it freddie? or is it frankie? I know he's the same year as me. My class? Ronnie? Hell no. DEfintely not ronnie. Alan? nah..... Then only after he left then mike told me his name, Caesar. Geez... Then all those flash backs keep zooming back into my mind. I still remember him. He just haven't appear for such a long time that i just forgot about it.

Next destination after Star is Petanak; which is famous for the "sugarcane sisters". Yes. U didn't read it wrong. It's actually famous because there's a stall owner selling sugarcane drinks that happens to have 4 pretty daughters. But out objectives there wasn't mainly to look or talk with the chicks. Well, definitely it's not in my objectives. Not sure about the rest though cause those 3 were talking about it. Only me n Chok we hunting for food. For food, I got myself a tomato sauce kueh teow for RM3.50. As for Chok, he got himself a fried rice cost RM3.50 (i think) and a bloody expensive small plate "kangkong belacan" which costs RM5.00. So how small is the dish u may wonder. To describe it, let's just say it's half glass. Yeah...that's how much the kangkong belacan is.

After a nice supper and some chit chat on rumors, evolutions, Fraternity/Maternity/Fertility/Fatality, we decided that it's time to get back and prepared for work.

And so i reach back home at 12:45am.

The next morning, i woke up, then sleep again. Woke up, sleep again.... and finally at 8:45am, I rose up from the bed and got myself ready for work. And there you have it. That's all.